Gansie Boycott
There has been a welcome reaction to the announcement by Donegal sports clubs that they are to support local businesses. This will involve helping local businessmen by buying tickets from them and sponsoring their shirts. There has been some dissension by the Golf Club as they have refused to sponsor round-neck shirts. A golf club spokesperson advised that if round-necked shirts are banned on the golf course, there was no way they were going to encourage them being worn around the town. A further motion, at the meeting, that emerald coloured shirts should attract a green fee, was defeated.
Health Warning
It is often claimed that the only reason that there is no Mexican Olympic team is that anyone who can run, jump or swim has already escaped to the United States. Not so, in Donegal. The streets are littered with some real swingers as they pound the pavements in the power walking routines. The arm swinging is positively dangerous and I know of one old lady who has had two front teeth removed by a thrashing left hook.
Stay at home folks! If the Good Lord had meant us to Power Walk, He would never have given us beer bellies.
Churches lose out
The Euro has now been the National Currency since 1 January 2002. The whole population has embraced its introduction. Nowhere has it been more welcomed than in the local Churches where the silent collection has become an overnight innovation. The only problem is that the brass buttons that the churchgoers were slipping on the plate before 2002 were probably more valuable.
No truth to the rumour
There was general bemusement in the area when the news broke that a checkout operator smiled at a customer last week. FAS has denied that it is now general policy to encourage smiling at customers. A further rumour that a charm school is to open in the new Council Offices has also been refuted. The spokesman added that it was felt that the outbreak of smiling was an isolated incident and that normal frowning would resume as soon as possible.
Granny Power
Complaints have been made that there are too many Grannies clogging up the supermarkets at weekends. These elder species, whose age you couldn’t hit with 3 darts, should be encouraged to stay at home. Their blue-rinsed heads are a positive danger to those who venture out without any form of eye-shade. Could Daniel O’Donnell not stick on a few concerts to keep them out of harm’s way?
Now we’re in for it!
I have received some negative feedback about my comments last issue that Donegal ladies are too fat. All I can add is that the opening of the Donegal Lap Dancing Club has been cancelled as they could not get poles strong enough to hold the girls up.
First cut is the deepest
The farmers have been having a rough time of late with farm incomes cut drastically. This has led to a number of farmers taking on part-time jobs. Are they real farmers as a result? Probably. However my definition of a real farmer is someone who castrates his pigs and cuts his tobacco up with the same penknife!
In closing
What’s black and brown and looks good on a Donegal Solicitor? A Rotweiller.
