AND ANOTHER THING:

I need help. In order to get ahead of myself for this edition of the Times I wrote a good long piece several days ago. It was, I believed at the time, my finest hour. Now I cannot find it, and perhaps more worrying, I cannot remember what it was about. It’s a big loss to me as I now have to start from scratch and time is running out. It’s not all sunshine for the lowly scribe you know!

AND ANOTHER THING:

So once again we are being asked or rather told how to vote in the forthcoming abortion referendum. The two main political parties are going in completely different directions and as I don’t trust either one because of their recent histories, I will completely ignore them and I believe I shall not vote at all. I don’t agree with abortion generally speaking but there are circumstances that it is absolutely necessary. Neither do I agree that I should have any say in what a woman should do in these circumstances. To my mind it is entirely up to the woman and whatever medical advice that she gets. As far as I can see, it’s once again these do-gooders trying to enforce their will and not minding enough of their own business.

AND ANOTHER THING:

Most people I talk to tell me that the Euro was one of the worst inventions ever. To a man (or woman) they will state that they are getting very bad value. Have we become a nation of selfish, greedy self-centred people. Sadly I think we have. There seems to be nobody talking about all the good value we’re getting. Take for example if you go and buy a bag of Flahavans Progress Oatlets. It will only cost you a few euro and from that bag you can have a mighty breakfast every day for nearly a month. Is that not good value? But not a mention anywhere.

Quite recently I taxed my car for one year. It only cost ¤435. For that paltry amount, hundreds of miles of potholes, water, grass, briars as thick as your wrist and cudgels of stones designed to hop up and make sh... - sorry break your windscreen - and provided by councils all over the country. Do we thank them? We do not - we’re a pack of ungrateful hoors. I believe that people living north of the border are in the worst of bad humour that they only have to pay about half the road tax that we have. Roll on the day, they say, when this country is united so that they can pay their fair share. I do myself hope that this day arrives sooner than later.

AND ANOTHER THING:

By now you will perhaps know that the dance for the Irish Heart Foundation and in memory of the late Joe Gorman was a huge success. It was in The Central Hotel on Wednesday 20th February and I would like to thank all the good people who contributed in any way to its success. It was particularly good to see Nora and her extended family there on the night. It is a dangerous practice to try and name everyone individually and I’m too long in the tooth to fall into that trap, so once again thanks to everyone and, by the way, as all the money is not yet in I understand that we have raised in the region of ¤3000. Good.

I’m going to use this opportunity to let all who are interested in old time dancing know that a new season begins on Wednesday 6th March in the Central Hotel and will continue on the first Wednesday of every month depending on the interest.

On the 7th of March we set sail on our Spring tour in England and one of the many places we will be playing is the famous Galtymore in Cricklewood, London. There’s nothing small about us. As I always do, I would ask you to warn any of your relatives of our forthcoming visit. We would like to see them.

AND ANOTHER THING:

Getting back to the euro, if I may, I hear where some shops around the country are doing away with the one, two and five cent coins. The only surprise is that it took them so long. I would dearly like to meet whoever it was that coined the phrase “the change is in your pocket”. A slap across the jaw wouldn’t go amiss there. You find that you have a pocketful of this stuff and, as the old people used to say, it wouldn’t buy you a chaw of tobacco. More like the rubbish is in your pocket. Of course the experts will tell you that it’s all in your head. But then again look at the experts who were doing the business for A.I.B. in America. Three quarters of a billion gone down the swallyhole and no one noticed for five years. You couldn’t make up this stuff. The man at the centre of the controversy claims he stole no money - so what I would like to know is this, if A.I.B. lost all this money and he hasn’t got it then, where the hell is it? By God you wouldn’t get away with it here. Never mind a billion, but if you were three quarters of a euro overdrawn, the local boys wouldn’t be slow in drawing if to your attention. I’m sure there were many gloating at the AIB’s misfortune but that’s where they are being very foolish for, in all probability, it will be them who will ultimately make up the shortfall with increased charges. Just wait and see!