AND ANOTHER THING:

The latest money change-over is just the latest nail in the coffin as far as the Irish way of life is concerned. As bad as the punt was it had at least a ring of Irishness about it. Now that’s gone forever and although we might blame those in Brussels we are a lot to blame ourselves. Long before there was any change in money the rot had set in. I can still remember the time that nearly every house in the countryside had its own eggs, vegetables, milk and turf. Nearly everyone was self-sufficient. What happened? Did we become too lazy or just couldn’t be bothered? Or maybe it was the lure of the supermarket that made it so attractive. One way or another, that way of life is gone and, by the looks of it, gone forever.

So too is the dancing scene changing. There was a time when people knew their places and where the ladies or ‘wimmen’ as they were called then would stay at one side of the hall while the men eyed them from the other. When the music started every man ploughed his own furrow. They were good innocent times.

There was a story recently about such times and it concerned an old man who lived with his daughter. His wife had died many years before and, as was the custom of those days, he reigned supreme. And so one night as they sat in the kitchen she was reading the local paper when suddenly she asked if she might go to the dance that was being held in the local hall on the Friday night. “What age are you now?” enquired the father. “I’m forty-one” she replied! “Alright then so, go on to the dance” he agreed.

So she found herself at the dance and to be as kind as possible it should be mentioned that nature hadn’t been as kind to her as it might have been and so she got no dances for a long time. But as with the ways of the world there is always someone and so this fellow approached her and asked her to dance. She was delighted and replied “Och, that’s very kind of you and surely I’ll dance.” And they danced and at the end she went back to her side of the hall and he to his side. Again he watched and sure enough she was not asked and once again at the last dance he asked her to dance “och I will surely, thank you very much” she replied. He began to get bold of himself and said to her “you are the nicest looking girl in the hall, can I lave ye home?” And she, well pleased and happy, replied “och ye can surely, thank you very much for asking”. As they walked up her lane towards her house he got bolder still. “Any chance of a wee kiss” he asked. “Och, you can surely” she said “and thank you for asking”. And so they kissed and by this stage he had got fierce bold. “Any chance of a wee feel” he asked. Replied she and her panting “if Da was dead you could have the whole farm”.

AND ANOTHER THING:

It’s not for lack of brass neck that our politicians are worse off. There has been an incredible turnabout in the past few weeks. The Health Minister Michael Martin has somehow managed to conjure up seven hundred hospital beds out of nowhere. Where the hell were these beds these past few years? How come it’s announced coming up to the General Election. The Taoiseach, not to be outdone, promises great and sweeping changes in our schools. While these things will all be very welcome, if they ever come to pass, surely the question must be - why now? But leave the biggest stroke to Michael Noonan and the opposition. Their best shot apparently is to reimburse all those who went after the fools gold in the shape of Eircom shares and lost. This is a very cynical ploy to buy votes at the expense of other people who didn’t buy those particular shares. In the unlikely event of Michael Noonan becoming Taoiseach in the foreseeable future, I have a letter ready for him. It will be as follows:

Dear Mick,
I’m delighted to see that you are now Taoiseach and as such will no doubt see to it that every edjit that lost out on Eircom shares will now received a windfall. Maybe you might be able to see to it that the few punts I lost on the Grand National these past three years might somehow make its way back to my pocket.
Continued success to you in dealing with the less well off in our society. God knows you will need it.
Yours
A failed, but hopeful loser.

AND ANOTHER THING:

By the time you read this the crooked politician, Liam Lawlor will be where he and people of his ilk should be - behind bars. It is very difficult to try to come to terms with just what is going on in his mind. There seems to be the possibility that he thinks he has done no wrong which would explain to some extent the man’s arrogance.

Then there is the language of barristers and judges to be wondered at. Note the words of Mr. Justice Smyth on sentencing Lawlor to a month’s imprisonment, and I quote “Mr Lawlor has never been sent henceforth from the court as a common criminal” - end quote. I would love to be in a position to ask - why not then judge? Isn’t that exactly what he is. Could it possibly be that Liam Lawlor has a very severe grip on certain people’s sensitive parts of the anatomy and from time to time gives a reminding tug as to what has gone on in the past. Perhaps we will never know. One thing for sure, the rest of us would not have been afforded the same courtesy.

AND ANOTHER THING:

The tickets for the forthcoming fund raising dance are selling extremely well and by the looks of things we are going to have a big crowd and hopefully a good dance as well. We have all the ingredients - good venue, good music and good people. Just a wee reminder that the date is February 20th in the Central Hotel and, as I mentioned in the last issue, if there is anyone out there who wishes to contribute a raffle prize just give me a call on 087-2207773. We don’t need very many as we already have some. Once again thanks in advance for your support and I do hope to see you there on the night.

AND ANOTHER THING:

On the day that this newspaper last hit the shelves, I had an unfortunate road accident one mile this side of Killybegs town. My car spun out of control and had a serious confrontation with a road sign. In the ensuing battle I was damned near killed and my good oul car was destroyed. But at the same time, I was lucky to escape with a few batters and be able to walk away. It was a very humbling experience but it also proved that there are a lot of good people out there who did their best to help me, some of them complete strangers. I can only say, thanks very much to those people - it was much appreciated. As the word spread, the situation at home resembled something like a wake and maybe I’m the only man in the world who attended his own wake and to a certain extent enjoyed it, but perhaps best of all lived to tell the tale. Needless to say, it is not my intention to repeat the performance in the near or distant future. It was too close for comfort.